she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
