So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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