i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
