I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
