she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
