I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
