I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
