remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
