I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
