how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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