if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
