My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
