Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
