she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
