For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
