he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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