it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
