The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
