Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
