i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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