wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize