I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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