so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize