Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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