i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
