I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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