She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
