why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
