She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
grandma shit on top of the toilet
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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