but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
