I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
