I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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