but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
