This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You are a genius and a whore.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
