I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize