Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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