Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
