god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
