The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
