HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
