Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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