You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
