Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
