i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
