but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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