i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize