Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
