What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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