I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
