Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Say something about gay babies.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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