I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
