In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
