what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He did a backflip because drugs
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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