My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
