We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
