he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
