Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
