I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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