I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize