Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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