Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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