Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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