I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
