If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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