Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize