It's just like the Real World with babies
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
