The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
