He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
