I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
