the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
