we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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