Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
