Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Its about making memories worth repressing
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
send nudes
from the living room?
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