Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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