I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
