just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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